I Will Call Out Your Name

There comes a time

when left alone

that the noise and busyness of existence

calms to a loud, engulfing silence.

If you rest in this place – still,

with nothing but your breath

to call your own,

the truth

comes to the forefront

naked and revealed

and you can do nothing but face it.

Tonight,

with nobody near,

this truth unsettles

as I notice how it feels at times like this

to desire nothing.

And, I sit amidst my fear

wondering about my fate and future

if the time comes that nobody

calls my name.

I feel quite unsure

of myself and my ability to sustain

if left only to the circumstance

where I must listen to

the confusing stories of my mind

feeling the weighted nothingness

of solitude --

nothing to care for

and nothing needing me in return.

Would I, at such a time,

lift out of the comfort of blankets

and a darkened, closed off room

to seek those things

that the come alive

when one leaves their loneliness

to intermingle with the world?

Would I go off to look at the

pussy willows?

Would I go to feel the outside air

or prove to myself

that treading upon mud and moss

can make the body feel more alive?

Would I climb up the mountains

as I once did

seeking to reach the top

to be able to see how vast

a view can be

if one gets a different perspective?

Would I travel to a marsh

to prod the muck with a crooked stick

to see if minnows and flies would

scurry around me and prove that

I am just one of

the many entities on this Earth?

Would there be a desire

to think of physics, linguistics, sociology

or any need to serve a community

outside of myself?

Would I dare to mingle in a crowd,

to lift my eyes to see the stars,

to listen to the orchestras,

or march down a street

for any cause

other than what it is to fulfill

my solitary needs and desires?

Would I sit on the benches in the parks

allowing myself to hear again

of the bird songs and

the giggles of children

chasing one another

or the whispers of the trees

in the wind?

Would I dare to have the vulnerability

to sit with another person

to listen and talk of the past

and think of the future

or even allow myself

to let my hand rest in his or hers

and feel again what it is like to love

and crave and need another?

If you have felt the pain of deep loss

or have a bit of darkness

from your past or present,

you might, too, think of these things,

maybe knowing how it feels

to face such solemnity

on those lonely nights

when no sound, no touch,

no other

is there to interrupt the silence.

Yes,

there are those,

such as me,

that know the disquietude

that comes from

fear

or solitude

or lack of desire

and, if it be you,

know that we are not few, but many

who face the uneasiness of silence

and thus know

that this life is not meant to be lived alone.

For those of you, then,

who feel such things in the quiet,

I beg that you call my name now

or at the times that you too feel

the pain of solitude.

And I will, in return, call yours

and remind you

that though we might forget,

we are connected

only when we cross our own

self-made divide.