Moments of Clarity

Sometimes I am shocked awake — soulfully connected to an electrified spirit that recognizes the sacredness of this thing we call life.

In those glorious moments, time stills, and my whole being pays attention. These moments are astounding, touching the core of what it means to be human and to be alive.

I remember such moments from the past with clarity,

…When I first told a boy that I love him, my stomach turning with raw nervousness and excitement, and I stood unsteady, exposed to the real possibility that he may not love me back.

…When I held my breath, walked on stage, and felt the stage lights bright and hot, blinding me to an audience shrouded in darkness, hushed and waiting for me to begin my dance.

…When my loved one was dying right before me — the moment just before the tears and the audible crying — when my chest filled with an emptiness so horrible that the stark finality of total loss suffocated me.

…When I first held a baby and there were no words to describe the miracle of her breathing in those tiny breaths, needing all of me so completely that I questioned everything I ever knew about myself.

…When I said goodbye to my parents as I went away to college, my mother holding back the tears and my father holding her hand so tightly that, when I saw this, I realized they had given every part of themselves for me to succeed at that very moment and every moment before it.

…When I said my vows on my wedding day, taking in the inexplicable glory of another human being promising to honor me, love me and to be true even when our love were to become commonplace or when life would be unkind.

The older I get, these electrifying times are rare. I am not blind to them. But, as is often true, when we put too much effort into something, it is too easy for the ego to get in the way.

Now these moments of connection miraculously happen amid the mundane, smacking us right in the face to say that we must pay attention. Such times remind us that this life does not last forever — that we must keep looking or else we will miss important things along the way.

This happened today.

It was a day that was like many others in the last few years, but somehow, today, my eyes widened to the power of God’s glory, the wonder of living.

It was simply when I sat surrounded by others at a movie theater. I was watching Wonder Woman and, midway through the movie, a young girl next to me sat up, tapped me on the shoulder and told me to pay attention to the next part of the movie, explaining that it would be great.

I was not used to someone in a movie theater audience talking to me, and I looked back at the screen with renewed excitement and expectation. The music got loud. Wonder Woman looked back at me through the screen with combined fire and compassion in her eyes and then fought with remarkable grace, dignity, and power in the name of all things good and in the name of love.

On any other day, in any other movie, I would have been much less affected by the story. But tonight, because of the young girl next to me, I did exactly what she asked me to do—I paid attention.

I realized I could actually relate to a female character and that it felt fantastic. This woman was capable and discerning. She acted on what she valued, was unafraid to give her opinion, and lived a life of honor, even when it required sacrifice, discomfort, and risk.

It inspired me how Wonder Woman was not ashamed to emphasize love and loving. She acknowledged her own beauty and claimed her sexuality without apology. Her own sensitivity empowered her, and she did not hide her beautiful emotions. Her intuitive prowess was remarkably feminine—incorporating both emotion and reason.

I felt exhilarated. The movie took hold.

The movie enraptured the young girl next to me. I enamoured her.

As our heroine fought her battle, the young girl continuously sat forward, placed her fists in the air, and cheered on our heroine audibly, exclaiming loudly that she — Wonder Woman — COULD and WOULD do whatever she set her will to do.

The girl was unabashed and wanted others to hear her shouts. I smiled a wide smile. This young girl's total conviction and her innocent and perfect audacity told me to pay attention. Her conviction was that Wonder Woman would win in the name of goodness and love if she would not succumb to all the powers fighting to overcome her. The young girl was calling out for her to not relinquish her values, her drive, and her confidence in the face of adversity.

Tonight, when listening and looking at this young girl in the seat next to me, I was called awake and reminded of what it means to believe in others and believe in oneself.

I came home more alive and more present than I was before. This girl jostled today's mediocrity and I could wrap my hands and my imagination around the energy of the night.

It shocked awake and electrified my whole being.

Before I went to bed, I looked in the mirror and felt the inner child of me lift my fists, fire in my eyes, and call out to myself that I could and would do what I wanted. I was both child and woman—rich in possibility.

As I met my powerful gaze in the mirror, I saw myself as a capable, important, and a beautiful woman with a renewed drive to face and to embrace this thing we call life. It reminded me to not let life just slip by and to keep my desires and energy charged and alive.

Bestowed on me was a gift, a renewed vitality in an otherwise mundane day from the simple assertion, the inspired spirit, and the voice of a small child that asserted her simple yet perfect reminder to keep my eyes open.

And before I slept that night, I vowed to remember clearly this poignant declaration that we will fill life with richness if we remember to just pay attention.